Solace
I had therapy last Friday. I told my therapist I was worried because Grandma's health was getting worse. And I was wondering if there was a point to any of this. Me being here instead of being home, helping Mom with Grandma. My therapist says I help more here and while I know, in my mind, that is true, I can't help this fear of never seeing my Grandma again, of never seeing my family again. So, this, being away, turns into this monster of guilt, sadness, insecurity, homesickness, and anger. Especially anger. I wish there was a way to deal with the anger. But all I can think about is hurting those responsible for this. In my head, I destroy them and it scares me just how good it feels. The thought of them finally suffering. I know it is unhealthy, but, in hopelessness, you find solace wherever you can find it.